Dear Jay-Z,

I've been in many debates, with you being the subject matter. The question undoubtedly is "What's your favorite Jay-Z album?" I've heard everyone name the critically acclaimed Reasonable Doubt, Blueprint, American Gangster, and the Black Album. I personally refuse to partake in the order of which of these albums are your "best". How can I seriously consider putting these in order? I won't do it. What I will say is, my favorite album from you undoubtedly is In My Lifetime, Vol. 1...yeah that's right. The sophomore solo album which in my mind, set the tone of the rest of your career.

I see you mention a lot of your albums with so much pleasurable contemplation but I don't know if you realize, it seems as though you brush over IMLV1 like it was just some thing you did to fulfill contractual obligations. I don't know if this is true because I don't know you now and I didn't know you then. All I do know is in 1997, there was a whole lot going on emotionally with the death of Notorious B.I.G. It was truly sickening and sad. Brooklyn and the whole NYC was hurting.

In My Lifetime Time Vol. 1, your sophomore album was an honest album (as are all of your albums). It was a self proclaiming album. In my opinion you basically let everyone know where you was coming from and where you were planning to go from that point forward. You was gunning for the crown early and in 1997 there was a lot of rappers and M.C.'s looking to take the reign. It was something you reiterated. In addition, you gave anyone who doubted you're capabilities as a artist reason to pause, take a listen and think again.

And so I listened, and listened and listened again; not because of doubt, but because it's an awesome album that's STILL in heavy rotation on my ipod. Here are a couple of your quotes I noted to illustrate my appreciation for THIS album:

• A Million And One Questions/ Rhyme No More "I got mouths to feed, 'til they put flowers on me..." What a intro...I loved this song for so many reason. DJ Premier, set the tone with this classic. Yeah I said it, "classic".

• The City is Mine f. Blackstreet "Taking this rap thing serious to my demise, J shit like cake mix, watch me rise" Say What you want about this song but it's still fire to me. Not only was it full of wonderful claims of grandeur but it paid homage to BIG. The late 90's was a really interesting time in rap music it was wide open. Best place to listen to this song is riding on the FDR Drive. Great for a scenic tour.

• I Know What Girls Like Only because of Puffy I think this song should be remixed to be a way better 2012 version. I hope Kim wrote that verse because it was good. Moreover, that whole last verse is super sweet *go listen to it* and it illustrates you know how to treat a lady hence why you got Beyonce. I wasn’t surprise why after all these years you both are still together, but anyway...

• Imaginary Players THIS WHOLE SONG *go listen to it again* If this is how you felt in 1997/1998, I can only imagine how you feel now.

• Streets is Watching “Me and money are like armed co defendants"/“I felt like life was cheating me, for the first time in my life I was getting money, but it was like my conscious was eating me” This quote is choice on so many levels. This was the rational for the career change from part-time to full time rap SUPERSTAR

• Friend Or Foe ’98 “I tried talk sensibly, hoping that eventually you’ll realize I had this locked and it just wasn’t meant to be” Quality over quantity I can dig it.

• Lucky Me “I swear to everything when I leave this earth; gonna be on both feet never knees in the dirt”/ “Hate the price of fame cause it cost too much, can I live without you niggas saying I floss too much, hate the way you make this hate flow all through us, steady looking for flaws to us, Lucky Me.” Nothing to add here. I feel you Jay.

• (Always Be My) Sunshine “Me and you balling from the heavens or hell, won’t let you hit the ground if I’m falling myself” Stop shitting on this song. This your life Mr. Carter for the last 10 years. Don’t think we haven’t been noticing you dropping gems for her. Fooled no one, though your discretion is the coolest part of your relationship. No news is good news.

• Who You Wit II “Can he live? Trick on a mainchick, but if she leave just as quick indian give....you be the same chick when you leave, leave the bankbook and the credit cards and take everything you came with” This theme is referenced quite often on all your albums to some degree. Your wife and you we’re made for each other. I don’t know who else could have met your requirements. Really, could B give a fuck about signing a prenup when she’s a brand in herself? I could never see you pulling a Reggie Bush, you don’t fall for hoes. No matter how bad she is.

• Face Off “I’m the main-fucking attraction, you just foreplay, get it h(i)-ot. I come through blow up the sp(i)ot with a, keep it cocked faithful like ‘s???’ with a one in a drop(top) don’t get hit up” I think you will have the crown as long as you want. Who knows, maybe you can be the first M.C. to have a show in Vegas...with your wife of course. Who says you have to stop. I kind of see you being like 60 being the main-fucking attraction in Vegas. Word.

• Real Niggaz f. Too Short “If you ballin, keep ballin, nigga you jealous? Stop. I want Biggie to rest in peace, as well as Pac” United we stand divided we fall. Real niggaz do real things (like go to the first black President’s inauguration) enough said.

• Rap Game/ Crack Game “Priority’s work wasn’t right so I switch factories, now I’m the new nigga, now who figured I get the game locked? Now watch how the prices of your cocaine drop.” Manifesto has been proven. I’ve seen you in concert more than anyone. I’ve seen the growth and confidence of your live performances. I’ve also noticed I’m willing to pay more for your crack. (ie WTT Concert hurt in a recession) *smh*

• Where I’m From “Your word was everything, so everything you said you do-you did it. Couldn’t talk about it, if you ain’t live it.” This song without a doubt your favorite off your this album. It takes me right back to the Brooklyn I grew up in as a kid- pre gentrification and although that shit was cray, it was still an awesome time to grow up.

• You Must Love Me THIS whole song. *go play it again* It’s a example of unconditional love from a perspective of a young hustler in Brooklyn. If you’re able to deal with the guilt of selling crack to your mom and shooting your brother I can see how you can follow through with business even if it has the potential to damage personal relationships going forward. Nonetheless, I’m sure you’ve made it up to them with lots of love.

So, I went to see Watch the Throne in New Jersey and something happened to motivate me to finish this post. I originally started writing this 9/18/2011. Check out what happened in this video. Way too long to write about.

Sincere with admiration,

A loyal fan struggling in Brooklyn but still going to your concerts

Laundromat Conflicts & Whoas

As I’ve stated before many times, doing laundry in the city is an adventure…especially on a Sunday afternoon in Brooklyn. Generally, I don’t have a problem doing laundry because I love the feeling of having clean clothes and I know this is something many people who live in private homes take for granted. It’s been awhile since I’ve washed my own clothes. I’ve been using drop off service because it’s “my little luxury” and the Korean lady who I send my clothes too is so nice. I think she appreciates me sorting my clothes and I appreciate how neatly my clothes are folded. However, since I moved she’s no longer right around the corner and because my rent has increase over 100% (I’m not kidding) I have to tighten up the belt buckle (so to speak).

It’s been about a month since I’ve moved, and laundry locations was an important factor in determining where I was going to live. I need some sort of convenience. This post is about my first attempt in this “new” Laundromat.

Disclaimer: I really should have know better than to go to any Laundromat Sunday afternoon in Brooklyn. I was really caught slipping.

Initial Assessment

I walked in there with two large loads and it felt like I was walking into a new high school as a transfer student. It was crazy, I felt like people were in there sizing me up. I knew they weren’t looking at me like damn “she’s a pretty lady” because I was ashy as hell. I got up, showered, and little lotion was used. I didn’t have on earrings and my lips weren't chapped but they weren't popping either. It was not about me though; It was about getting these damn clothes done so I could get on with the rest of my day. I got my two large washers and when I saw how much they were I should have known it was going to be problems.

I use Tide & Downy because I’m Single

Generally, when I’m in a new place for the first time, I’m very observant. I notice things about people that other folks might not care about. This is partly because I’m bored and I’m trying to find a way to get through the unease of the situation. It’s sometimes harder to ignore the stuff people do or say especially in a stressful situation like the Laundromat. I noticed a couple of things, 1) Single people like Tide and Downy; 2) A couple doing laundry together might just tell you everything you need to know about them as a couple in a matter of two hours and; 3) men will look at your panties. It was pretty obvious that I was not doing anyone else clothes but my own and I think that makes people deliberate your existence and “gulliness” for B.S.

Dryer Battle

So, it became apparent to me that 4 minutes left on the dryer clock was just an anomaly when the dryer is free and you have to dry your clothes on 15 minute intervals. This was something I was not prepared for. I was highly annoyed by this “free” dryer service. Could THIS be the reason why the washers were so damn expensive? There were two types of strategies I could tell was being used for grabbing dryers. There was the dryer hunter. The person who walks up and down the dryer row, asking people “This your dryer, you finished?” And those like me who stalked the dryers. I chose the latter for a couple of reasons. The reason I chose to play stalker is because 1) the dryers are free. With that being said, it’s very annoying for someone to asked you every 15 minutes if you're done. That would piss me off so I didn’t do that. It generally takes about 45 minutes per load if you have jeans, towel and/or anything heavy. There was a “man” in there who was irking the hell out of me. He was a super duper ass hole. Evidently from observation, he was with his wife. She was way bigger than him but he wasn't talking to her nicely or with any level of respect. He was barking orders at her like a little league baseball coach. "Get that one over there!" he said. "Where's the rest of the clothes" he barked. They had mad clothes too. Like bags on bags on bags. LOL

So it was crazy, you see? I thought it's best I just stalk the 4 dryers this other young couple was working with. They had bags on bags on bags of laundry too. They were talking outside, he was bitching but she wasn't having it.

I waited 45 minutes and only held down one dryer. I was being very patient although my annoyance with the situation was written all over my face. I just daydreamed since I didn't have my ipod. Two dryer freed up and it was a battle between an old Haitian lady and two 40- something year old men- one of which was the dryer hunter. This motherfucker, after pacing back and forth with a cell phone on his ear and wet clothes in his hands attacks one of the dryers. Ma-ma finessed her old lady flirt to a win a dryer. While respectful man was slightly distracted and assumed he had the other dryer, dryer hunter attacked with his kid's draws and dared homeboy to touch them as he closed the door and started the machine. I saw what happened and I didn't like that disrespectful shit. I thought, "I'll be damned if that shit was gonna happen to me".

*Fast forward* Finally, young couple is done! Yes! "...y'all finished with these dryers?" said the dryer hunter.

"Yeah, you got it man" said young dude. I had to shut that shit right on down.

"Nah, I got that."

"What you said?" he said to me

Looking him dead in his eyes, I said, "You see me standing here and I'm not waiting for no dryers but these four right here, so I'm getting them next." He knew I wasn't playing and if he would have tried me I would have caused a fucking scene. Disrespect sets me the fuck off.

So I won that battle but another clown decided on different approach by trying to G me out of my dryer. He had the passive aggressive approach.

"Excuse me, I'm using that" why was this motherfucking trying me now I thought.

" Oh since there was two I figure I can get one"

"Oh nah, I'm using them both you gonna have to wait"

"Ah come on..." as he stared at my panties

That's when I pulled the dryer hunter attack move as he was distracted.

What Have I Learned?

Nothing. I got caught "sleeping". Had I not needed to do laundry, I would NOT have picked a Sunday late morning in Flatbush Brooklyn to do what I should have been already done. This was my bad. Next time I'll do better. Man, I love clean clothes!

You DO Get What You Pay For: Another Justifiable Splurg

Yet again I'm confronted with the simple truth "you get what you pay for" and it has been proven to me once again.
There are certain things that I can't compromise on when it comes to my individual purchase power. These these things include but aren't limited to: ketchup; toilet tissue; footwear; peanutbutter; soap and detergent; toothpaste etc. I can now add sunglasses to this list.
Who doesn't love sunglasses? Everyone looks good in the right pair and I'm notorious for buying and losing or breaking my $5 to $20 pair of sunglasses. Usually I get them from some street vendor or Daffy's. I always liked designer glasses but couldn't wrap my mind around buying a pair of shades over 25 dollars. It just seemed dumb and a waste of money to me until.....
A couple of weeks ago I caught an eye jammie (by accident of course). Let's just say the elbow wasn't for me and I had to wipe weave glue off my grey suede Cole Haan boots. If you think a drunk cat fight in the club is nuts, you need only imagine what that shit is like on a party bus. So my left eye was fucked up. It got beet red and I couldn't look at the Sun, a computer screen, or my phone, I was screwed. The pain was really intense and I had to see an eye doctor.
Amazingly my eye got better after the first visit (and a $40 co payment) but you couldn't tell me at the time, I wasn't doomed to be a sexy pirate every Halloween, for the rest of my life. The doc said, sunglasses will be your friend thus beginning my annual Spring ritual to Daffy's. God moms helped me pick out a nice black frame with black shades. I was feeling quite major with my $20 shades, figuring I'll wear them until they break or lose them. All this changed last Friday and now I'm open.
Somehow my ass landed in the Sunglasses Hut and after trying on a couple of pair I walked out with these beauties. I wasn't even a hard sale. They were the first pair I tried on.
I can't even lie, I should have been invested in some shades. This purchase was easily justifiable in my mind. Shoot, after that elbow to the eye, (which by the way felt like my eye instantaneously turned to liquid). I knew this was the right thing to do. I suggest everyone get at least one pair of good shades. Don't look at the price, just find the pair (or two or three) that make you look and feel major. They're out there trust....I picked a pair of Burberry shades. They're polarized and understated. I love them and could honestly wear them all day because they feel good on. (I shat on Diddy for years because of that and now I finally get it). Now that you know, I hope you take heed. Your eyes are worth it, and what would you do without them? I pity the though.
Heinz ketchup , skippy peanutbutter, pepsi cola, scott tissue, Haan-Dazs ice cream and your favorite designer shades...justifiably worth every cent.

BoomBox Baby

FRESH...
I love music and depending on what I'm listening to (usually Hip-Hop and R&B) I like my music loud.
So right now as I write this, somebody on this iron horse is annoyed by my ipod making its tis tisk tis tisk sound. You know the sound your headphones make when you hear some ones ipod who might be sitting 2 seats from you. People love to talk about how annoying it is and maybe it is but what if this was 1984 I'm saying...?


I'm a boombox baby. In 1984 I was a lil kid, being baby sat by my cousins who at the time were teenagers and young adults. Kangols, Adidas and Lees was the fashion. Everybody was either a MC, break dancer or graffiti artist bombers and no matter who you were, you had to have a boombox.
New York City in the 80's was known for its classic block parties. At that time, everybody had their music with them on tape. If there was a reason for a kid with a boombox to stop for 5 minutes there was a possibility a five minute party would break out. Music was everywhere. Which makes me side eye, all the people complaining about my loud i-pod. I truly could give two shits if my music annoys you while we're temporarily cross paths on the iron horse.

Hey it could always be worse. You could be living in the days of the boombox and be subjected to ALL my hype music. Frankly, some music needs to be played loud. Its meant to be. As a self proclaimed retired break dancer, its necessary. I don't do it intentionally to annoy folks but I'm doing me and maybe you need to get a better book if you can't concentrate.

I love my ipod and all 10K or so songs I have on it. Give thanks that this isn't 1984 and the crack era....
*steps off soapbox boombox*

Lefty In the Right State of Mind! Don't Hate or Discriminate!

Long before I knew what the word discrimination meant, I knew what it felt like to be discriminated against. Briefly noted, I like to think I am unique being a quadruple minority and all. I'm black woman with a disability that's left handed. Now that I’ve cleared that up, I'm going to discuss what I've ascertained.

Life Is NOT Fair...
You never realize you're "different" until you leave your house. At home I lived with a lefty (my brother is too.) We never bumped elbows (nothing more annoying than that). No big deal right? Until I started Preschool. I wasn’t allow extra time to figure out how to get my brain to switch to it’s left side. I had to figure this out quickly or faced falling behind. To this day I learn by focusing on visual cues. I learn by rhyming and making songs in my head. I had to write things repeatedly to get things down pat. I don’t think this is a bad thing, it’s only a problem when assumptions are made that everyone understands you. I knew how to follow directions so during assembly, when the teacher said put your hands on your heart, it would be my left hand on my heart. As funny as it looked to right handed folks, it made total sense to me. A lesson in assumption learned early I suppose. When I got into high school it was those single desk. They were all made for right handed people and believe it or not, its uncomfortable, you have zero elbow support which makes writing a bit more exhausting. I know folks could give two shits and I’m good with that. Still don’t make it fair though.


Sometime you're gonna have to work 2x as harder just to keep up...
I wonder if I grew up today with all the key pads available, would I have had the same issues when it comes to me “meeting my own standards”. I’ve been described as lazy since I was a kid. I didn’t care because I knew I was smart. I was so smart that I knew early “people do what’s important”. I guess though, it’s safe to assume, most lazy people are smart people. I say this because I knew since preschool in order for me to get it right (my standards), I would have to work two sometimes three times as hard just to get it. A left handed child really needs a patient and persistent parent that will drill you over and over again. (Some thing it seems a lot of kids are lacking today- Period. ) Penmanship was extremely important to me when I was learning to write and it was not easy. Most reports were hand written when I was coming up. Today its totally different. Some times we are our toughest critic. I compared my penmanship to my classmates and in hindsight I understand how it kept me distracted. I was a daydreamer. Once I allowed myself to concentrate on the lesson, I was engaged and my comprehension was on point. I daydream when I'm not engaged. If I'm at a boring meeting, I'll take notes- it helps keep me focused. Although a good daydreaming session is cool every now and again *wink*. I’m usually intellectually evaluating something important to me.
Make alliances with SMART people you trust...
I had to learn to make friends with smart motivating people. These type of people have been in my 'circle' for as long as I can remember. They were supportive and generous in some way (and often right handed too). They also foster healthy competition. I appreciate all the good right handed people whom I had mutual admiration for. I admired your perfect penmanship and I thank you for not being annoyed when we bumped elbows.

Enjoy the genius in you!
Being left handed is great in its own way. You become part of a silent kinship. You and only one out ten people write with their left hand. Some people are ambidextrous but I'm not. (Of course I've tried and it feels crazy weird.) I'm cool with being an absolute lefty in the right state of mind. Makes me that much more cooler.

What's My Name? - Karaoke Style

Sometimes I'm a harsh music critic and this is because NY radio sometimes force feeds us bad music, but this one I can not deny. They run this song don't they?
What's My Name? by Rihanna featuring Drake is "pop perfect". It embodies everything a perfect pop song should be. Its sing along type music and lyrically Rihanna's putting it on the line (no surprise there), Drake verse is good too.
Am I a Rihanna fan? I'd say no, but I'd be lying if I told you I didn't have a couple of her songs in my iTunes library. Shouts to the kids in the video for tapping into my silly side. Shouts to all the 2 and 3 year old that made me pay attention to this tune. This one is for them...

Dear Essence, What are you really trying to (sell) tell me?

I've been a fan of magazines since before I could read and I'm a subscriber of Essence magazine. I look forward to receiving the magazine in the mail because I'm always interested to find out who is on the cover. I was really happy to see Ms. Regina King on the cover this month because I perceived her as being genuine and a talented actress I grew up watching.
My friend 'K', an avid reader of all printed journalism and books had brought to my attention some months back the lack of "quality" articles in periodicals like Essence, and for that reason she doesn't buy them often. She said to me, "you ever counted how many advertisements were in there? I did it one day I was bored, and I was like, 'damn more than half the magazine is advertisement!'"

Initially, I laughed and took light of what she said, nonetheless, since the "Hawk" was in full effect this past weekend, it left me some downtime to dive into this challenge.
Currently there are 164 pages in the Feb 2011 edition, 95 pages or so of full page advertisements and/or promotion. The cover story was 10 paragraphs long. In total there was about 40 pages of reading material.

I wasn't surprised by these findings. I knew my homie wasn't talking smack. My next challenge was to review what was being advertised. For the most part they were attempting to sell hair products and make-up. I also saw advertisements for cigarettes and liquor. There were a few that were promoting AIDS awareness and health care. Two of the advertisements were promoting prescription drugs: one for kid vaccination and the other was for anti-depression. My objective with breaking down this edition of Essence was not to comment on the articles themselves but instead to shed light on the propaganda that comes along with these articles on "black culture for today's women."

After my analysis I was left feeling two ways: 1) print media is dying and writers (especially minority writers) will have to broaden their medium to remain successful and 2) we're being sold bullshit and hoodwinked into believing this imagery is all positive. Most if not all the companies advertising in this edition is not black owned.

For the record, I'm not getting at Essences magazine. I appreciate them for being in their unique position because I have enjoyed many of their articles (especially those that empower women and positive relationships). I just wish I could get more for my buck. I'd love if there was more content tackling today's social issues and politics. That would be perfect....then again I may be one of a few who is paying attention.

NiaNeek

Pride: The Progression and Pitfalls

Today I had a appointment with a new doctor at an old familiar place. She was wonderful and for purpose of this entry we'll refer to her as Dr. S.
In a matter of minutes Dr. S had me talking and I was excited about being a new patient. During the Q&A segment of the visit, my card was pulled. Half the questions she asked I could not answer with assurance. Everything was a half ass answer.
Dr. S.: what type is this?
Me: Ugh...
Dr. S: How have you been getting what you need?
Me: Um, well...
After about 10 minutes of her patiently and humorously advising me of my homework for my next visit, she suggested I broaden my perspective on my disability, network and share my story.
I thought, "my story"? Dr S must have seen the confusing look on my face and then said, "your pride was the best and worse thing that happened to you, you've missed out on a lot of opportunities trying to get back to 'normal'".
Truth be told, hind sight is 20/20 and if I could do it again, I think my life would have been a little different, (even with all the lows I had).
I've been really lucky to have had a mom who supported and respected me, tell me numerous times I was intelligent and beautiful everyday, and I believed her. I knew some kids with fucked up parents, so her admiration wasn't ever taken for granted. I don't think I would give off the same 'energy' if I wasn't blessed to have her as a mom. The fact remains though, I cared what my friends thought. I wanted their approval. It would drive my mom nuts! She didn't raise my brother and I to be followers. I'm so happy to say now everything she said and taught me was true however at that time, I still longed for my friends approval.
When I was 13, in the hospital and after several treatments to save my right leg, the doctors suggested that it be amputated. I remember crying for two reasons, 1) I was a dancer: yeah I was a big kid who was light on her feet, but the reason I balled was because I loved my feet! My mom loved my feet, my dance instructors loved my feet too! I was devastated. Once the superficiality of the situation subsided, there was no issue with understanding what I was facing. It had to be done. This car accident was no fucking joke. It already took the life of my maternal grandma whom I loved so very dearly, therefore I was aware of what I was dealing with. 2)With my friends being back home, I didn't know if they were gonna shun me, act flaky or just banish me from 'the clique'. I didn't even tell them about my amputation until I got back home. I was on my annual Summer vacation along with my brother and cousin but the Summer of 1992 changed everything. I was suppose to start high school that year- that was delayed for an entire year(I had to relearn how to walk), which led to another insecurity; How would I explain I wasn't "left back" without telling "my business"? I laugh at the thought now but in my 13 year old mind, this was some serious shit!
Fortunately all of my worse fears were just pride and insecurity rearing its ugly head. My friends then are still my friends now! They're awesome! I have so many good people in my life-friends and family and I'm so grateful for them all!
My biggest regret was trying to be 'normal' which is how I wanted to be perceived. I didn't give my old friends or new friends the benefit of the doubt and for that I suffered socially. Being a social butterfly is very difficult if you're not willing to share a significant part of who you are. I'm proud of myself for finally getting it. FINALLY!
I am able to do more than 13 year old me could ever imagine but, the 30 something year old me wishes I could go back and shake the shit out of 13 year old me. Most teenagers don't know what the fuck is up. I know I was clueless. I wish I used the resources available to me when I was a kid instead of being trying to get my old life back. I should have been trying to be extraordinary because there is nothing ordinary about me (or you). Everybody got their thing that makes them special in this world and if its positive, you need to spread love and positivity.
So I left Dr. S office feeling great and inspired. So much so, I've decided to make this my first blog ever! Its my attempt to give you insight on what makes me tick. I hope you've enjoyed it. More to come cause lawd knows I got a opinion about everything...Peace